June 12, 2015
Yesterday I practiced mindfulness all day; with my diet, my posture, my sitting versus movement time, etc… It was an exquisite day of higher understanding, making myself watch myself with each and every breath. It was hard, and it even felt a bit selfish. I’ve been somewhat out of balance lately, and I needed to get back in touch with my body and everyday activities because my head’s been in a fog (Mercury retrograde maybe?). I made it a point to write down all meals/food, to close my computer while I ate, to eat more slowly, and to work at my stand-up station (i.e. typing while standing at the tall bar in the kitchen area). When standing or walking, I made it a point to be in touch with my posture, my foot alignment. As I made the bed, as I washed my dishes, filled the ice cube trays, showered, etc… I made it a point to be involved with each and every moment. In doing so, I kept myself from straying into bad habit zone (mindless snacking, slouching, and sitting too long just to name a few). I’m trying to make active mindfulness a regular practice in my life. This means I also monitor my thoughts when they might be straying down Ego Boulevard.
Last night, I took a walk when the desert air cooled down enough for safe outdoor activity. I hoped to make eye contact, smile and say “Hello” to anybody I could. I just wanted to share some love since I’d cooped myself up all day being mindful of my activities and thoughts. As I walked home, I saw a small group of people walking toward me on the other side of the crosswalk. After crossing, I noticed it was three women. They were all tall, slender, and obviously followers of a faith which required head and body covering for women in public. I, on the other hand was wearing cut-offs, sandals and loose shirt, but I did have a hat on. They walked 3-across, taking up the entire sidewalk. My ego reminded me I was the one walking in the correct direction of traffic. They looked up at me as we got closer, and I kept thinking, “Just be nice and smile. Send love. Send love, and you will receive love.” Nice thought. Thinking one of them would move, so we could pass each other without having to step into the wet grass, I continued walking toward them on the edge of the sidewalk, making myself as narrow as possible. I looked up and smiled. They glared and stood their ground, brushing my arm as I was forced to step into the grass. They giggled after they passed me, and I didn’t care if their laughter was about a joke or their disrespect of me.
I was SO mad! I had sent out love and respect, and they gave me the opposite. They didn’t even notice me. How dare them!
As I crossed the street to my house, having a discussion with my upset ego, I suddenly felt that familiar light tingling in my head. Socrates dropped in a message:
“When you send out love to others, do you always expect love from them? Are you sending out love for the sake of sending love, knowing it improves the world by reminding yourself and others of the connection, or do you do it with expectation of respect and validation in return? That is not real love. True LOVE is a never-ending flow of you and through you. It need never be replenished as it is limitless, it’s what all creation emanates from. It is the only thing in the universe that is truly infinite.”
I realized I had an expectation of the ladies’ behavior, and when my expectation wasn’t met, I become upset. I sent some pretty negative energy their way as I complained to myself about their rude behavior. That wasn’t love. I immediately relaxed, sent good thoughts in their direction, and I enjoyed the rest of my evening, hoping they enjoyed theirs as well.
While I like public displays of simple human respect and kindness, like not taking up the entire sidewalk,I’ve learned not to expect it as payment for my love and understanding of our connection. I will try to be mindful, seeing every person, every animal, and every plant as a representation of the LOVE which is the source of all things.
Socrates is the name of the Higher Consciousness, or faster-vibrating universal energy, with which I am in tune. You may learn more in my Introduction to Socrates.